Privacy is a powerful word with a wide meaning, and for teenagers it has become almost sacred. Their phones, tablets and computers contain their deepest secrets, password protected 24/7. And us parents? We have no access – this is their private space.

Privacy is like clothing; it protects us, makes us feel protected, and lets us hide what we would rather keep to ourselves. It allows the soul to move without shame, knowing that there are private spaces free from the eyes or ears of others. Parents are expected to respect their children’s privacy, but they must also protect them from a reality in which they are defenselessly exposed.

Screens provide access to unguarded spaces, dangerous experiences and countless temptations that require the watchful eye of a responsible adult who knows when to intervene. When privacy is paramount, teenagers are left defenseless and without the protection they need. The sanctification of privacy in certain aspects leaves parents out, blind and often frustrated.

The right to privacy that we so zealously defend can significantly impair parents’ ability to fulfill their fundamental responsibility to protect the well-being of their children. Online, under the cloak of sacred privacy, children navigate a world where their personal space is completely exposed in a highly monitored environment.

Before parents “train” themselves to keep their distance and respect their children’s privacy, they need to make sure they have the right protection.

The digital sandbox: Immerse yourself in the subject matter with them. Be curious about the language, norms and messages that circulate online. Look at screens together, ask discussion questions and gently convey values, reference points, authority and boundaries.

Trust as a goal, not as an assumption: Parents often think they know what goes on behind closed doors and passwords. It is important to assess how solid and stable the trust between you and your children really is.

Eye contact and communication: Direct communication, interested dialogue, mutual engagement and a strong parental presence allow parents to take a look at the secret space, identify potential dangers and take action if necessary.

A constant inner voice: Parents are on the “seesaw,” exposed to the powerful forces of the internet. Their voice must be deep-rooted, clear, and steady. Even then, digital temptations can overwhelm us, and despite all the talk and warnings, they could still send that picture, chat, or meet up with a stranger. For those moments, we must remain vigilant, keep an eye on everything, and understand that a crisis can strike at any time, in any home.

Belonging and self-esteem: Teens with strong self-esteem are less easily influenced. Their inner voice is more resistant to danger and temptation. Self-esteem is not built through conversations, therapy, or compliments, but through a strong sense of belonging, perseverance, overcoming challenges, and feeling needed. Help them build that self-esteem.

Be “Grandma Dina”: The teenage soul is the same today as it was before, perhaps even more emotionally fragile and in need of layers of protection. Think with the logic of the past: Is it right for young children to live secret lives without supervision? Is it right to let them live without restrictions in dangerous spaces full of inappropriate content? It’s OK to be old-fashioned, like my mother (Dina). It’s better to be cautious and protective than compliant and at risk. There are no shortcuts in raising children.

Instructions and support: Before you hand them the keys to an unprotected world, create a signed user agreement and make sure they comply with it.

An open door and a safe haven: Be the person your child turns to in moments of pain or crisis, even in moments of shame after a mistake. Build a stable parent-child relationship that they can lean on, not a rigid one that pushes them away. How? Through face-to-face conversations, non-judgmental communication, clear expectations, boundaries, caring and knowledge of their interests and relationships.

It is better to invade privacy than to allow harm to occur in its protection. Online harm can be severe, is often hidden by shame, and can send painful ripples throughout the life of a teen and those around them. If a parent senses “something is wrong,” when screen use becomes compulsive or addictive, pause and examine what is drawing them there. Checking a teen’s phone, which may be hosting inappropriate sexual communication, crime, or gambling, is legitimate and necessary. In such situations, teens often yearn for someone to get them out of their privacy. When caught doing so, they often report feeling relieved—ashamed, but safer. Sometimes parents need to rescue their children from privacy that painfully isolates them.

Privacy has many levels, some of which should indeed remain sacred and respected. However, there are levels at which anchors must be set, reference points for examining the realities of life – anchors that allow children to choose the right paths that will move them forward rather than being swept along by social currents. Giving them privacy when they are hurting, vulnerable, hiding and seeking protection from followers and external validation is a failure on the part of the parent.

A sacred privacy without any supervision is appropriate only when a teenager is capable of taking care of himself, has a stable sense of self, can assess reality, delay gratification, and has a reasonable tolerance for frustration. Only when properly “clothed” and provided with the right protection and with parents attentively present does this kind of privacy have a place.