Have you ever walked into Chick-fil-A and thought, “Damn, I’d love to have an unscripted family-friendly show loosely based on this chicken sandwich?” You, and only you, are in luck. According to Deadline, the fast-food chicken chain plans to launch its own streaming platform with a slate of original programming. I guess in this economy, everyone needs to diversify!

According to Deadline, Chick-fil-A is considering offering scripted and animated content as well as unscripted content, and already has plans for “a family-friendly game show” from the same production team behind NBC’s The wall. And apparently it is not even the company’s first foray into entertainment; in 2022, Chick-fil-A produced a series of animated short films called Stories from Evergreen Hillsa series of Christmas-themed stories about being kind and spreading joy.

But what kind of television combines the ethos of family-friendly entertainment and not-even-that-good food with an overtly Christian, homophobic message? We probably know this as well as Chick-fil-A, so here are a few ideas.

• Eat more chikin: A cooking show featuring Chick-fil-A’s famous cows that will show you all the amazing dishes you can make with everything but beef. It will run for four episodes before the cows’ anti-red meat messages and guerrilla activism tactics become too didactic for viewers.
• Chick-N-Strips: Introduce Naked Attraction meets The game for newlywedsbut much more uptight. Teams of lovers (no gays) must remove items of clothing for each question they answer incorrectly about each other, but don’t worry, all the PG-13 items (that is, everything from the neck to the knees) are covered in the chain’s delicious Chick-n-Strips. The winner takes home a cash prize and all the stripes on their body, which will probably be enough for at least three meals.
• American Chicken Warriors: This is just parkour through the drive-thru window.
• Hot Deluxe Love: A Hallmark-style romantic comedy in which a “career woman” from the big city visits her hometown for Christmas, falls in love with a handsome country boy over a banana milkshake, and retires to become a housewife. Who needs ambition and an income of her own when you can’t even get a good Christian shake?
• Moo Patrol: The film also stars Chick-fil-A’s cows, who roam the area and catch chickens with impunity to support the chain’s expansion goals.
• Put this in for me!: It’s like a game show where you throw the pickles on your sandwich at things to win prizes or something??
• Mealtime Treasure: Since the company doesn’t want to pay any more writers, this is the show that comes into being when they decide to create a completely AI-generated cooking competition. AI recipes, hosts, contestants, even the title! It’s abysmal. Nothing works and the animation is too creepy for anyone to like. The whole thing falls flat.