I fell in love with K-12 teaching. My husband also applied for jobs in Miami, but did not receive any offers of the quality he wanted. After we were in a long distance relationship for a year and a half, he moved to North Carolina to find a job that he thought was a career move. Almost immediately after that, the pandemic started, and at that point, we agreed that it would be foolish for me to quit my job to move with him.

Around this time, he was accepted into Harvard Business School’s MBA program, but the school postponed his start date by two years because of the pandemic. He decided to continue working in North Carolina during this time. My Salary and benefits are as good a teacher as I could ask for, so we agreed at the time that I should only leave my job if I could get something even better. We didn’t want to leave my comfortable job for something worse, knowing that later on, while he was in a full-time MBA program, I would be the only one of us making money. I never found a better job, so we stayed in a long-distance relationship for the entire four years.

He has now graduated and accepted a position in an office in Miami. He will spend six months in Latin America preparing for the job and then we will finally be together under one roof again.

Over the years, my husband and I have managed to survive the distance because we have followed some guidelines in decision-making at every step of our relationship so far.

Getting to know your own needs is important

It is important to know your own needs and to communicate them with your partner. A big reason why we have been in a long-distance relationship for so long is that I misunderstood myself as someone who prioritize my work about my relationship until a few years after the separation.

When I realized I wanted to make the relationship more of a priority, I felt like we had to stay long distance because my husband was studying and not making any money. If I had gotten along before like we do now, I probably would never have agreed to another four-year long distance relationship in 2020. Instead, I would have risked taking a job with lower pay and benefits in North Carolina just to be together. Knowing myself better now, I was able to communicate to my husband that we need to be together under one roof forever in 2025 after he finishes his education.

It is also important to get to know your partner’s needs

My husband, unlike me, prioritizes work over relationships and doesn’t feel like he needs to be physically close to me to show his affection. We visited each other regularly during the six years of distance, which was enough for him. It took me a while to understand that this trait doesn’t reflect apathy, but rather a different way of showing and receiving affection than I have.

For his part, he listened when I told him that I had realized that I needed more physical contact, and that was why he had applied for jobs in Miami after completing his MBA rather than in other cities where there were more opportunities in his field.

Expect that there will always be give and take

It’s important to understand your own needs and those of your partner and then develop a lifestyle that creates a balance between them. For many couples, this includes living together, for others it doesn’t. The important thing is that you never stop respecting each other and adapt your lifestyle as a couple to meet your changing needs as you get older. If you do this, you’ll have a good chance of success.