“See how I do my makeup for work? Very understated, very attentive,” says TikTok creator Jools Lebron in a clip with over three million likes that went viral last week.

“I don’t come to work with a green cut creampie, I don’t do too much, I pay a lot of attention to my work. See how I look? Very presentable? The way I came to the interview is the way I go to the job.”

She’s talking about toning down your appearance, but also your personality, in the workplace. Or being more reserved and modest, which is what “modest” means by definition. The word itself is becoming increasingly popular online, with users posting their own clips calling almost anything modest. But the idea of ​​being modest in the workplace, in particular, is generating particular interest as a method of personal and professional advancement.

Some workplace experts say it could be particularly damaging for young women to deliberately behave less courageously at work, ultimately hindering their career advancement.

“Women are expected to be polite, friendly, say thank you and apologize. These are some of the words and buzzwords that people associate with restraint,” says Christy Pruitt-Haynes, distinguished lecturer on leadership and performance at the Neuroleadership Institute.

“I fear that the whole trend of reticence is going to go so far as to say: just accept what you’re given. Don’t worry about promotions. Don’t worry about showing what you can really do.”

Christy Pruitt-Haynes, renowned lecturer on leadership and performance at the Neuroleadership Institute.

“But that goes against what we typically describe as successful, because these people tend to be a little more outspoken and a little more defined and clear-cut in their abilities,” she said. “I fear that the whole trend towards reticence is going to go as far as saying: just accept what you’re given. Don’t worry about pushing for promotions. Don’t worry about showing what you can really do.”

Research shows that women are already less likely to be promoted than men, largely due to perceptions of their personality and personal potential rather than the work they’ve already done. A 2022 MIT study found that women received higher performance ratings than men on average, but received 8% lower ratings when assessing their potential. As a result, female employees were, on average, 14% less likely to be promoted than their male counterparts.

There is no question that women are influenced in their professional lives by expectations of their behavior in the workplace. However, others say the definition of the word “moral” is not so clear-cut, as evidenced by its widespread use online and, increasingly, in face-to-face conversations.

“Traditionally, ‘reserved’ means being reserved, quiet and maybe even a little shy. In the workplace, that might mean holding back on ideas, avoiding speaking up in meetings and generally keeping their head down,” says Jon Morgan, CEO and editor-in-chief of the consulting firm Venture Smarter.

“It’s about thinking carefully, choosing the right moments to put forward well-formulated ideas and exuding professionalism.”

-Jon Morgan, CEO and editor-in-chief of Venture Smarter, a consulting firm.

But being reserved doesn’t mean being weak. Sometimes it can also describe a person who embodies a kind of quiet confidence, Morgan says, adding: “The trick is to find ways to showcase your skills and ideas in a way that feels authentic to you – whether that’s through written reports, succinct and impactful presentations, or simply by being the person who asks the insightful questions that no one else has thought of.”