Martha Stewart admits she has had some challenges as a mother.

In her new documentary Martha, Stewart spoke about becoming a mother when her daughter Alexis was born in 1965. She said her life had collapsed.

Stewart shares Alexis with her ex-husband Andrew Stewart.

“Back then everyone had babies so young. That was pretty much in keeping with the style and custom. I thought it was a natural thing, and it turns out being a mother isn’t natural at all,” she said.

Stewart’s friend Kathy Tatlock shared that Stewart found motherhood a “hard” task.

“She was happy when Lexi went downstairs to take a nap so she could be alone,” she said. “She cared for Lexi, but wasn’t in love with her. She was always a bit cold.” Susan Magrino, Stewart’s publicist, explained that the TV personality was “not good at expressing her feelings or expressing them.” Tatlock even noted that Stewart’s mother once said she regretted not hugging her daughter enough when she was younger.

“Feelings, we didn’t talk about things like that,” Stewart said, recalling her childhood with her parents and siblings. “It wasn’t part of our childhood. We were kind of dullly loved even though we should be loved. I mean, there wasn’t much affection in our house.

“How could I be a truly great mother if I didn’t have the training to be a mother?” Stewart added.

Later in the documentary, Alexis opened up about what it was like being Stewart’s daughter and living under her parents’ roof while their marriage fell apart.

“I grew up in a very uncomfortable house. “I’ve learned to suppress most of my feelings,” Alexis said.

Tatlock added, “Martha didn’t really enjoy her marriage and raising a child.”

This article was originally published on TODAY.com