OPINION: A wedding should be surrounded by love. Putting a price tag on attending somehow devalues ​​the whole thing.

Editor’s note: The following article is an opinion piece. The views expressed reflect the views of the author. Read more Opinions on the Grio.

So this brother hopped on TikTok and said, “Okay, TikTok, tell me if I’m tripping or not.” My blackdar immediately sensed he was tripping, so of course I kept going. You may have seen the video; it quickly went viral, but you may not have because the brother made his account private. Apparently he didn’t like the monsoon of negative reactions. You can see many of his videos and the hysterical reactions to them here, here and here.

He said he and his fiancée spent around $200,000 on their wedding, and I immediately shouted at the screen, “Yes, you’re crazy! That’s an insane amount of money for a wedding!” But that wasn’t what he’d asked us. He had no problem spending more on his wedding than the annual salary of most Americans. No, his question was this: He and his fiancée had told their guests they would charge $450 each to attend the wedding. Family and friends had to buy tickets to their love fest. Nobody said yes. That was what he’d been wondering. Is it okay to charge people money to attend his wedding?

The answer is yes, he is tripping. My Blackdar was right.

A wedding is the first big event you experience as a couple. It’s the starting point for your family. But the decisions you make at your wedding show who you are as a couple. If you can’t plan a wedding that makes financial sense for you, then you’re on the wrong foot with your family. Everyone wants their dream wedding, but it’s more important that you’re smart and honest about your spending. It’s terrible to start married life in debt because you had to show off at your wedding.

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So the first problem is that they’ve overspent and are now trying to pass the cost on to their guests. That’s not cool.

At most weddings, people give generous gifts because they know you’re starting a family and they want to help. That’s why the registries are usually filled with things for the home. The wedding guests are introducing you to married life and helping you build your home. But there’s a big difference between people giving you a gift they want to give you and people charging a fee to get into your wedding. I don’t even know how you can look your family and close friends in the face and say, “You all have to pay me a fee to come to my wedding.”

Weddings are expensive for guests – they have to buy fancy outfits, probably rent a hotel room, and book flights. Add to that $450 – or $900 for a couple – and it puts the wedding out of reach for many people. That’s probably insulting, too. It makes the whole thing too much of a financial transaction rather than an expression of love.

Later in the video, the bro actually scolded the people who didn’t want to pay the fee, saying they would spend so much on Beyoncé tickets or a meet and greet with Chris Brown. Judging people on how they spend their money is problematic. It sounds crazy to say, “Why’d you spend it on that when you could’ve spent it on me?” But if you don’t provide Renaissance World Tour-level entertainment, then don’t ask me why I would spend so much on Bey but not on you. Bro, you don’t look like Bey. You can’t sing like Bey, you don’t dance like Bey, so what are we talking about?

At a wedding, you should be surrounded by love. Putting a price tag on attending somehow cheapens the whole thing. It’s not an event you can buy your way into, and I don’t want my wedding to be dictated by who can and can’t afford the fee. That way you don’t get an audience sending you love.

Toure is a host and writer at TheGrio. He hosts TheGrio TV show “Master of the game”, and he created the award-winning podcast “Being Black: The 80s” and its upcoming sequel, “Being Black: The ’70s.” He is also the creator of “Star Stories“ and author of eight books, including “Nothing Compares 2 U an oral history of Prince.“ He also hosts a podcast called “Toure Show.” He is also a husband and father of two children.