Narrowing down the guest list is arguably one of the most difficult aspects of wedding planning, which is why one bride was furious when she discovered her father had gone astray and secretly invited all of his second and third cousins ​​— including people she didn’t know — to her and her fiancé’s upcoming wedding. The bride recently took to Reddit’s “wedding shaming” thread to vent her anger at her father’s behavior. “The urge to cut off contact and never see him again is strong and I am furious,” she wrote in her post, which has been upvoted nearly 2,000 times and received over 150 comments.

The bride began her post by explaining the complex relationship between her and her father. “Let me start by saying that my dad is both proud and jealous of me. I’ve worked hard to get where I am and he’s struggling to cope. I’m just starting to realize this myself,” she wrote, noting that her father lives in another country. When he offered to deliver a few wedding invitations to a few relatives who live nearby, the bride agreed and sent him the exact guest list and the respective number of suites needed for delivery. Initially, she thought it was a good plan – and that her father would help her. “Since I didn’t have enough time to visit her country, I thought this would be a great idea: a win-win situation,” she said.

Unfortunately, her father took some liberties with the guest list – starting with asking for an electronic version of the invitation. “A few weeks later, he wrote to me and asked for a PDF version of the invitation because one of the relatives lives two hours away and he wasn’t planning on delivering it in person. I asked, ‘Why don’t you just drop it off at the post office?’ He replied that he chatted with this relative on WhatsApp and that it would be easier and faster that way. I naively gave in,” she wrote. “When I returned to my home country, within the first few hours I learned that he had ignored my list and sent the PDF version of the invitation to EVERY SINGLE RELATIVE, including people I had never met.”

It gets worse. When the bride confronted her father about his behavior, he turned the tables: “He then showed me a message and claimed, ‘It’s your fault, you told me to do this.’ People. In the message in question, he asked if I wanted my cousins ​​there. I replied, ‘Absolutely, I already counted them,’ and he used that as an excuse to invite all of HIS second and third cousins. The fact that both my mother (they’re divorced, by the way) and I sent him the list of people four times and he still did what he wanted and then blamed me for saying I wanted my cousins ​​there is insane.”

And his excuse? That it was bad form to invite some relatives but not others – which the bride completely ignored. “I explained to him that firstly, it’s not his wedding and secondly, he’s not paying for it, so he can’t decide whether to invite more people I’ve never met,” she wrote. “If those people said yes, he would definitely have to pay for each one.”

It turned out that two of his additions did I said yes before the deadline. Her father, who has since reluctantly apologized to his daughter (“He said something like, ‘Maybe I did something wrong, I’m sorry,'” the original poster wrote), told her she could “uninvite her then.” Naturally, the bride-to-be is furious. “He created this problem. I don’t know these people, I don’t have their numbers, they’re not on social media, and I don’t even live in this country anymore,” she wrote. “And yet he’s making it my problem.” Reddit encouraged her to take that responsibility back on herself—either he deals with his mistake or he doesn’t come at all. “This would make me so mad. I would tell him to uninvite all the other guests or HE would no longer be invited,” wrote one person. “I have very little patience for boundary-crossers.” Another user pointed out that people who are not on their official guest list should be turned away at the door.

The bride responded to a comment and noted that she did needs to set a clear boundary with her father. “That’s pretty much the ultimatum I gave him. Either you pay for them, uninvite them, or they can take your spot,” she wrote. “You know when you’re so angry you can’t even show it anymore? I think I’m in the dissociative phase.”