They believe that this rudeness is also due to increasing disengagement in the workplace. As more and more of us suffer from high levels of stress, it is tempting to assume that the next step might be a kind of self-protective ambivalence – a retreat from concern about a seemingly insurmountable workload. In this environment, brusque or careless interactions with colleagues can inadvertently arise.

“Right now we’re experiencing the highest disinterest rate I’ve ever seen in my career. In some companies, the disinterest rate is as high as 90 percent,” she says. “When you really care about something, you think a little more carefully about how you might respond. I think it’s both of those things: This massive disinterest rate and this enormous stress level sometimes affect the way we talk to each other.”

This rudeness manifests itself in countless ways, but varies in intensity depending on who is doing it and to whom. When your boss doesn’t behave, it can be hugely destabilizing. But how can you deal with it? Timms recommends developing specific skills to combat a problem exacerbated by a hierarchical imbalance. “If you learn to use the power of questions, you can use it to lead upwards really effectively.” She advises approaching managers with questions rather than accusations. While this may seem difficult, encouraging your boss as gently as possible to consider the impact of their actions can force a far more lasting reckoning than simply declaring their behavior unacceptable.

The power of questions is that they force the perpetrator to question the consequences of their behavior. “It means that in that moment they can learn to take a breath and pause and think about what is actually behind that behavior,” says Ashley-Timms, adding that tone and behavior are often unintentional and the result of contexts outside of the workplace. “You have to remember that they are not always like that. Maybe something happened outside of work. Maybe You have been talked about badly. Maybe they were let down by an important customer or just lost a sale. When something is wrong, sometimes the approach can be to ask for help with the issue contributing to the problem.”

Ultimately, we’re all human, and getting to the core of someone’s feelings can really help defuse a situation. “Even the best managers can have a bad day,” says Ashley-Timms. “Responding as a human being, rather than a subordinate, can mean everything. Try to meet them where they are.”

But what if you are the manager? Or if you have noticed or been told that you are behaving rudely? What self-regulation tools do you need to use? The key, Ashley-Timms believes, is self-awareness.

“You have to learn to recognize that behavioral trigger,” she says. “Perhaps you’re exhausted or pulled an all-nighter because you were up with your kids. There could be many different reasons why you’re irritable at work and not having your best day. But it’s important to recognize when these are causing you to snap at someone. When you notice it, pause. Instead of speaking, take a breath and ask a question instead. That invites someone else to contribute and take up the space in that conversation.”

As with so many things, honesty is the best strategy. A little humor doesn’t hurt either. “You can confront yourself,” she notes. “Say, ‘I’m really sorry, I’m really angry right now, I didn’t mean to be so snappy.’ Explaining your point of view – that you’re tired and under pressure – goes a long way. Doing that not only makes you more human and relatable to your colleagues, but it can also lighten the mood a little. Admitting that you’re not having your best day can be a game changer.”

Ultimately, tackling workplace incivility is a must not only for workforce wellbeing, but also for productivity and talent retention. Ashley-Timms notes, “Studies show that more than half of us leave a job to avoid a bad relationship with our boss or bad workplace behavior.”