Once upon a time there were four scientists who decided to systematically improve one of the most important skills in working life: the art of saying no.

Since the workload was so great that it was almost getting out of control, they agreed to jointly reject 100 work requests within a year and to monitor the resulting consequences.

After creating a spreadsheet of what everyone had turned down, why, and how they felt about it, they turned down a whole bunch of requests to review journal articles, write grant proposals, or lead other work. In total, they also turned down 31 invitations to give talks—fewer than the 43 talks and guest lectures they did give.

It took them 10 months to get their 100th “no,” or about 25 rejections each. During that time, they learned several things. First, they find it easier to say no when they keep an eye on their work, in part because it gives them a better overview of everything they’re doing.

Also, a firm refusal is better than a “soft no” because, for example, agreeing to give a talk or review a paper in a few months’ time instead of co-writing it will inevitably lead to greater demands. And there are useful rules to follow, such as “Does this fit with my work?”, “Do I enjoy it?” and “Can I do it without jeopardizing existing commitments?”.

The four scientists – all environmental and social scientists – wrote about their year in 2022 in an article in the journal Nature Science, which I can recommend. But one of their discoveries has stuck in my mind ever since: They did not regret saying no.

( How to say… noOpens in new window. )

They regularly felt guilty and fearful of disappointing others, despite visible evidence of the significant commitments each of them had made. But they also felt that their fear of missing out or of suffering reprisals if they said no was unfounded.

I was curious to see if that was still the case two years later. When I contacted one of the four last week to ask them, I found that not only did they still not regret it, but they were saying their no answers even more often. Or rather, even more often.

“One of our key findings was that 100 overall declines, while great, is not enough,” said AR Siders, an associate professor at the University of Delaware’s Disaster Research Center who studies climate change adaptation.

“That’s why we’re now aiming for 100 things each year up to December 2024. So together we should say no to 400 things.”

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Prof. Siders had previously recorded 34 declines, behind the other three, who had recorded 37, 51 and 54.

But she was pleased that she had surpassed the 25 or so “no’s” she received last time. She put this down to strategies she used to make rejections easier to bear, such as limiting the number of peer reviews she does to two for each journal article she is involved in submitting.

She also tries to limit the number of speaking engagements she accepts. And more importantly, she tries to reduce large commitments that affect her ability to work, such as research projects, not just smaller things like speaking engagements.

“Even though I may say no less often now, I say no to bigger things and that makes a difference,” she says. When she got sick recently, she had enough flexibility in her schedule so the illness didn’t mess everything up.

( Brianna Parkins: “It doesn’t really work for me.” Saying “no” without regret is fascinatingOpens in new window. )

I find this all instructive, especially for women, who often find it difficult to say no to requests far more thankless than a speaking engagement. Female employees are statistically more likely than men to be asked to undertake mentoring, training and other time-consuming “non-promotional tasks.” They are also more likely to take on these tasks, according to four different female academics who wrote a book on the problem in 2022..

Siders hadn’t heard about the book until after she and her colleagues published their paper in Nature. But the coincidence doesn’t seem so strange to me, considering how so many women are expected to put in extra work.

Be that as it may, as a recovering yes-man, I intend to keep in mind an idea from a member of Sider’s group.

Job opportunities always seem tempting at first. But just like cute babies grow into teenagers and puppies become big dogs, you have to remember that they ultimately require a lot of hard work. – Copyright The Financial Times Limited 2024