Constantly putting others before yourself can be noble, but the trait of wanting to please people can also bring with it some dangerous pitfalls.

If you ever find yourself feeling emotionally drained — like you can never say “no” because you’ll lose your status as an exceptional employee — you could be in trouble, according to Hailey Magee, author of the self-help book “Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power,” released in May.

“I define people pleasing as the act of putting the needs, feelings, desires and dreams of others first at the expense of your own needs, feelings, desires and dreams,” Magee recently said on the Harvard Business Review’s “HBR IdeaCast” podcast. “So it’s not just about being kind and generous, it’s about sacrificing yourself in the process.”

Magee also works with clients to help them curb their urge to please people. He says this trait typically shows up in the workplace in three ways:

1. You are unwilling to express your wishes, such as a break or an extension after your workload has increased.
2. You take over work on a task or a group project for your colleagues and tire yourself out in the process.
3. Giving in to societal pressure, such as code-switching as a person of color or speaking quietly as a woman.

This trait is widespread: In a 2022 YouGov survey of 1,000 U.S. adults, 49% of respondents said they definitely or probably want to please people. Professionals who describe themselves as “givers” at work — or who often ask the question, “What can I do for you?” — tend to be well-liked by their bosses and colleagues, according to Wharton organizational psychologist Adam Grant.

But it can come at their own expense. “When we give from a people-pleaser perspective, we may appear calm, happy or flexible on the outside. But on the inside, we usually feel angry, overwhelmed or overworked,” Magee said.

There’s nothing inherently bad about pleasing others. You just have to recognize when it’s affecting you negatively, says Magee. Pay attention to moments when you give your all to others and how you feel physically and emotionally afterward.

“Many of us have this habit without being fully aware of it, so it’s really helpful if we can focus our attention on, ‘OK, when am I being a good person to people? What are the signs that something isn’t working for me?'” Magee said.

Once you’re aware of your tendencies, you can develop a new habit of removing yourself from the situations that provoke them. Try developing a “personal policy” for your emails and other messages, author and leadership coach Melody Wilding wrote on LinkedIn in February: Give yourself a grace period before responding to anything that isn’t truly urgent.

Maybe stop taking meetings after 2 p.m. to make sure you have enough time to complete the day’s tasks. Or use “strategic silence,” as Wilding put it: intentionally staying quiet in moments when you would otherwise raise your hand to do extra work or help someone else. You’re training your brain to think before it acts, giving yourself a stronger sense of control, she wrote.

You probably don’t need to stop helping others at work altogether. If you can spare some time to help someone and you’re not already feeling burned out or overwhelmed, it can make you happier and strengthen your workplace relationships. But don’t make it the norm, Magee warned.

Trying to please people “usually does us more harm than good,” she said. “It’s actually good for your workplace if you show up rested and balanced and don’t feel that subtle, lurking resentment toward your workplace and your coworkers.”

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