Life’s tender moments offer couples and families the chance to build a relationship with Jesus and rekindle faith, say priests

ROYAL OAK — The flowers. The caterer. The rings. The honeymoon. The bride and groom must put effort into putting together the details for their wedding day. But preparing for a Catholic marriage that is meant to last a lifetime requires a collaborative effort with a priest and their parish community.

Weddings offer priests a unique opportunity to accompany couples in their preparations for marriage. Above all, priests want to lead the bride and groom to a closer relationship with God and a greater appreciation not only for marriage but Catholic Wedding.

Marriage preparation requirements vary depending on the parish and the availability of the priest. According to the Archdiocese of Detroit website, “Catholic Marriage Preparation is a concentrated period of time during which the parish provides the engaged couple with experiences to best prepare them for a lifelong Catholic marriage.”

At St. Mary Parish in Royal Oak, Father Paul Snyder is currently preparing 43 couples for marriage. Father Snyder meets regularly with engaged couples to help them fully understand the sacrament they will enter into with God on their wedding day.

“When a couple comes to us wanting to get married, we have a wonderful opportunity to strengthen their faith,” Father Snyder said. “We are here to prepare them for marriage – for a lifetime, not for a day. Jesus doesn’t want to give them a gift for a day, but a gift that will be available to them for a lifetime. Jesus offers them something better than they could ever seek or desire.”

Most couples begin preparations in the parish shortly after engagement, giving them six months to a year to build a relationship with them. Every couple has a different faith journey.

“Every couple is unique. But Jesus wants to introduce all couples to the mystery of his love so that they can receive the sacrament. This sacrament then gives them the strength to love each other more sacrificially than they ever could without it,” said Father Snyder.

The beauty of the Mass and the art and architecture of a church can pique curiosity in non-Catholics. Wedding guests often comment to Father Snyder on the beauty of St. Mary’s Shrine or ask questions about the liturgy, sparking a conversation about faith that might not have happened otherwise.

“It shows that the Lord touches people’s hearts in powerful ways on these occasions. You come to a wedding because you love someone and you want to share their joy. So you’re already ready to be joyful and hopeful and celebrate the Lord,” Father Snyder said. “We can do things to open the heart, but it’s the Lord who does that. He’s the one who moves hearts.”

Teaching the truth

When preparing a couple for marriage, a priest helps the future spouses fully understand the sacrament of marriage and the vows they will take. The discussions cover topics that can be challenging for some, including living together. According to 2019 data from Pew Research, 70% of couples in the U.S. live together before marriage.

The couples are also introduced to natural family planning (NFP); some parishes ask the couples to attend an introductory course in NFP, and most Cana retreats also include a talk on the subject.

Melissa and Kevin Blanchard were married at Our Lady of Sorrows Parish in Farmington in January 2023. Growing up, they both received their sacraments and attended Mass regularly, but they had not considered NFP until they learned more about it during marriage preparation.

“Even though I had heard about it before, when I saw the video (that we watched with our mentor couple) about NFP, I called my doctor and said, ‘I have to stop taking birth control today,'” Melissa said. Catholic Church in Detroit“It helped me understand it when I heard about it from Father Dave (Tomaszycki), then from our mentors, and then again at the retreat. It made so much sense to us. And even if you leave the religious aspect aside, it’s good to know your body.”

Father Tomaszycki, who served as assistant pastor at Our Lady of Sorrows Church and then as weekend assistant pastor until last July, met regularly with the couple to prepare them for the wedding.

“It was important to us to have a church wedding,” Melissa Blanchard said. “It’s such a serious commitment and we wanted it to be more than just a piece of paper. We want our marriage to be a soul connection.”

Father Tomaszycki’s direct yet loving approach helped Kevin open himself to the teachings of the Church.

“It feels like Father Dave was the priest God intended for us. There is no one else who could have prepared us as well,” said Kevin Blanchard. “Honestly, I didn’t expect anything from the marriage preparation, but I learned a lot and it brought us closer together spiritually. We are a different couple now.”

Since their wedding a year and a half ago, the Blanchards and Father Tomaszycki have stayed in touch. After the couple moved to the western part of the state last year, he visited them and blessed their new home and pets. Now, as they await the arrival of their first child in a few months, they are looking forward to Father Tomaszycki baptizing their new daughter.

Pastoral care in difficult times

Although the time a priest spends with a family grieving the loss of a loved one is short compared to the time a couple spends preparing for their wedding, the impact can still be profound. Father Bob LaCroix, pastor of Holy Family Parish in Novi, meets with families before a funeral to learn about the deceased, discuss the funeral Mass and pray with them.

“It’s consistent with my view of the mission of the church. Our mission is to go out and invite those who don’t come to church,” Father LaCroix said. Catholic Church in Detroit“Weddings and funerals bring together people who don’t normally come to church and give us the opportunity to help them get to know Jesus.”

Whether it’s a funeral or a wedding, Father LaCroix invites families and couples he meets to Alpha, a program the parish has offered for 14 years. About 800 parishioners have participated in the series, which teaches the basic message of the gospel in an informal setting and often results in participants developing a personal relationship with Christ.

Father LaCroix often notices a great openness among those attending funerals.

Several years ago, Father LaCroix met with a woman to plan her husband’s funeral. Her sister accompanied her to the meeting. The two had not previously been active in the parish, but through the experience of the funeral and loss, the Holy Spirit touched their hearts and changed their lives, he says. Both now regularly attend Mass and parish events.

“When we are faced with life and death, the veil between the two becomes thinner. It is a time when people are searching for the truth of what comes next. They are asking themselves, ‘What do I want to be like when I get to that point?'” Father LaCroix said. “They can talk about hope and talk about what comes next in the pain of their loss.”