Men Have Called Her Crazy is multidisciplinary artist Anna Marie Tendler’s unvarnished account of her years-long struggle with depression, eating disorders and self-harm. Tendler, 39, began hurting herself when she was 14. It was a way to escape the ever-present anxiety and sadness, and something she did on and off for decades, often wearing long-sleeved shirts to hide her habit.

When Tendler announced in February that she was working on her memoir, the internet was abuzz. Countless strangers were thrilled at the news that the aggrieved ex-wife of the kind comedian John Mulaney was, as many hoped, spilling the beans. Mulaney, a former Saturday Night Live writer, checked herself into rehab for addiction in late 2020 and then, according to a statement from Tendler in May 2021, decided to “end our marriage.” That same month, it was revealed that Mulaney and actress Olivia Munn were a successful couple.

But the book is a stark departure from what Reddit regulars expected. References to Tendler’s ex-husband and her divorce are so rare you can count them on one hand. Instead, it offers a modern take on The Bell Jar, exploring her health struggles and their intersection with the patriarchy.

“In my view, the field of psychology was developed by white men who used white men as the basic standard of behavior and mental health,” she writes. “Centuries of conditioning have taught them, and us as a society, that women who express anger, paranoia, fear, anxiety, depression, or even intuition might be crazy.”

Tendler describes the two weeks she spent in a mental hospital beginning on New Year’s Day 2021, on the recommendation of her therapist. Chapters about her time in the hospital are interspersed with chapters about relationships with past boyfriends—from the 29-year-old rock star she lost her virginity to at 17, to the casually cruel millionaire tech bro she befriended while working as an $8-an-hour shampoo girl at a hair salon.

Tendler spoke to the Guardian from her home in the Connecticut woods, which she shares with her three cats.

How did it even come about that you were admitted to a psychiatric clinic?

My therapist recommended it to me. I hadn’t thought about it or looked it up myself. She knew this hospital that offered an evaluation program. It only lasted a week and she suggested I attend it at the time because I was often self-harming. I was quite suicidal. I checked myself in on New Year’s Day 2021.

Your billing for every single hour in the facility is absolutely accurate.

When I was in the hospital, I took really detailed notes, not expecting to do anything with them. It just felt like a hopefully unique experience that I really wanted to remember. Writing about my story also allowed me to tap into something universal, which was my goal all along. What I really wanted to convey is not necessarily the mundanity, but the ways in which my experiences are probably the same as so many other women’s.

Right after I read your book, I read Liars, Sarah Manguso‘s new novel about marriage and mental health and gaslighting. In one passage, the narrator talks about how her husband used her stay in a psychiatric hospital against her before they met: “Somehow, in the years that followed, that hospital stay had twisted under the influence of John’s contempt, InstitutionalizationNot only that, but voluntary institutionalization. As if that were worse than forced treatment. As if you had to be particularly crazy to accept treatment.” I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this.

That was not my experience at all as far as being in hospital goes. I felt like everyone in my life, all my friends and family were incredibly supportive. It really was a lifesaver and I’ve never really felt ashamed of it. Since being in hospital, I’ve met so many other people who have been through inpatient treatment.

It’s funny because the hospital stay itself was the least crazy I’ve ever had. When I went to the hospital, I felt crazy. And when I got there, I didn’t feel crazy, and it wasn’t because I was surrounded by people who were crazy. I thought, “Oh, we’re all in this together. We’re all just struggling.”

Do you think you are currently suffering from a mental illness?

I have a bit of a problem with the term “mental illness”. On the one hand, terms are a linguistic way for us to understand something and feel part of a community. On the other hand, I think they can become very rigid. I have depression and anxiety. I can cope with those things, but they will always be there. Although I feel like I’m in a very different place than when I was in the hospital, those are also aspects of myself that will always be there.

The title of your book is “Men Called Her Crazy” and you devote a lot of time to analyzing patriarchy.

The title came to me pretty early on in the process of writing it. I knew I wanted to go back in time and address my interactions with men. This book goes back so far – and I didn’t really realize this until I was finished writing it – that it’s hard for me to blame individuals because I believe there are structures that create these systems. I also wanted to examine the things I brought to the situations.

Your book is not as offensive as some people might expect. How can you imagine it ending up in the world?

I wanted to write something literary. I wrote in college and in graduate school. And when I wrote this book, I had a very specific idea of ​​the story I wanted to tell. The book is centered around (my time in) the hospital, so it feels like the foundation of the story and I think it becomes more of a mental health story.

As I read your book, I was overcome by a feeling of sadness. At the end, you specifically talk about uncovering the sadness that underlies your depression.

As a child, I was quite melancholic. I thought a lot about death. Sad things hit me very hard. And then things happened later in my childhood, like when I was training very hard for ballet and I got injured and I realized: I’m not good enough for this. And that was my whole identity. I stopped dancing when I was 17. (Dancing) was a big part of my life and then I had to switch and find something else that I enjoyed just as much. That was really difficult.

There’s a lovely passage in your book where you talk about the joy you get from making Victorian-style lampshades.

Jumping back and forth between things that are more intellectual and things that are more tactile and that engage different parts of my brain helps me escape the feeling of being stuck and not being creative.

There are many therapists in your book – and more than one has let you down or betrayed you.

As a teenager, I went to the same therapist as my mother and that my parents went to for couples therapy, which was not ethical at all. And the therapist who was so great for many, many years and recommended that I go to the hospital (urged me to end our relationship).

I know you’re working with a different therapist now, but how else would you describe your current style of self-care?

One result of the pandemic is that my circle of friends is even closer. I have a really strong support system. We already texted today – about the Olympics. And then I have my cats, who I also love very much. They are great companions. But that doesn’t mean that I no longer have depression or anxiety. I also have days when I feel terrible.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the notable absence in your book. Many people will read between the lines.

I just figured I didn’t have to talk about it to write a great book. I didn’t have to rely on the one thing people might know about me. And I also wanted to write a story that people could relate to. When you write a book, you can choose what goes in it.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

In the US, call Mental Health America on 988 or text or chat via 988lifeline.org. You can also reach Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741. In the UK, contact the charity Mind on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111. In Australia, you can get support from Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14 and MensLine on 1300 789 978.